My guilty pleasure is the Real Housewives franchise, any of them. I like to get in my bed and watch it after finishing up a glamorous day in my own life, my reality.
In my glamorous life I was driving to Boston last to pick up my kids after a weekend with Grammie and Pepe and had a solid 5 hours in the car alone. This got me thinking of how my life is SOOO much like those ladies on TV.
1. I was driving myself 5 hours (one way) so someone would watch my kids for the weekend and instead of sipping on champagne I was shoving a bag of M&Ms in mouth because I know what you eat on a road trip does not count towards your diet.
2. The 'real' wives go out for fancy lunches with wine all the time. I take my kids out for pizza after school because I have no groceries and don't plan to shop until tomorrow and we split a chocolate milk because I also forgot my wallet and all I could find in the car was $6 so after ordering each kid a slice there isn't enough money left for everyone to get a drink.
3. The 'real' ladies get new cars for birthdays, Christmas or because they got new boobies. My husband thinks he's man of the year when he buys me a new garden hose.
4. 'Real' kids get mani/pedi's with their mom, I tell my kids they need to wear sneakers to school (not sandals) because we skipped baths last night and their feet are dirty and I don't want anyone to see!
5. I wear jeans and a shirt to pre-school pick up and people ask me why I am so dressed up since my normal uniform is gym clothes. 'Real' ladies where gowns to back yard barbecue's.
6. I have access to a fleet of John Deere tractors and a willing driver anytime if I wanted to go for a ride. Those other ladies merely have private jets to take them to parties or girls weekend away.
7. 'Real' ladies get paid to argue with people that are ruining their life and fight about leaks to the press, false infidelity rumors and backstabbing. I have 2 pre-schooler's who, if you ask the right time, have me to ruin their life. We deal with serious problems like juice in the wrong cup, shorts with itchy tags, a mean, mean mom who won't let the tv stay on all day and that doesn't allow candy for breakfast. I SHOULD BE GETTING PAID!
8. In reality when my mom friends come for lunch we serve PBJ and everyone brings fruit and carrot sticks while 'real' wives have a chef and duck confit.
9. 'Real' wives spend their days kiss ass....in REALITY I just spend my days wiping them.
10. 'Real' wives are surrounded by people paid to play friends with them for a show. In reality I have lots of wonderful friends and we all choose to be around one another and our pay comes in the form of wine together, or a run, or phone call.
